Saraswathi Pooja - 2010!

Been through a very very hectic schedule over the past few weeks. starting pooja holidays till date. Cant imagine how time ran by! This year Saraswathi pooja was a whole different celebration for me. Gollu (as we call it in tamil) had always been a hidden fascination for me. When I was a kid, I used to see it in some of the relatives house and a fewer times have helped them setting it up too. And in the famous Chidambaram temple, this has been followed religiously ever since I was a kid. Visiting the temple every year around this time just to see the gollu is like an important outing that every family does to actually feel complete of that year's pooja celebrations. I have personally seen a lot of aunts and grand mothers who have missed seeing gollu talking about missing it and feeling bad till the next gollu.
This year, my mother-in-law had set it up at our home in Hyderabad and she asked me to goto the neighboring houses and invite everybody home to see the Gollu. This was the phrase I had to memorize for that 'Maa inti-lo bommalu pettamu; perantaniki randi' ;) And my husband's cousins, 2 of them (Sindhu n Vandhu :D) helped me memorizing that. 3 of us went around the streets talking stories about the 'Vangipuram' family and of course, a lot about my husband :) When friends and relatives visited, gave them thamboolam and took blessings from everybody. The gollu that I had always wanted to celebrate at my own house and God had blessed me with that this year. Feels so glad and a lot of excitement still. Planning to do this at my Bangalore house next year, let's see how things go!
We visited few of the relatives for lunch, dinner etc ;) Lot of relatives, neighbors, cousins and friends I got to know in person, now my world is a little more bigger that consists of those people whom my husband had known from his childhood, a complete different feeling that can just not be described, learnt how important it is to be in touch with relatives and how actually the relationships of those kinds work in real time. At my husband's mama's house they had kept gollu too and that weekend being my mother-in-law's mother's thidhi, we were called there for lunch after the pooja. After lunch, I was asked to sing song. I sang ennavale, alaipayuthey kanna and kurai ondrum illai - all tamil numbers, but the 2 krishna genres actually has a series of his names and so not considered completely tamil tho'. And found out that the best moment of applause for a girl is when her husband tells her, "after a few years of knowing each other" (why this - is because applauds happen very often during the beginning years, but the same thing after a few years down the line is of a total different level of maturity that exists in the spouse and that was unfound all these years - something that strengthens the marital bond!) that she has done quite a good job and that it was more than what he actually expected. Yes, experienced that! that too for him, it was a bigger surprise that I could sing some devotional numbers, all by myself ;)) Thanks to the Veena classes and the early morning prayers my mom used to involve me in!
Had done my part to satisfy everybody. It was a great vacation and thanks to my husband for helping me be the way everyone there wanted me to be. After coming back, seems like my mother-in-law had got feedback from people around that she had got a good daughter-in-law that she went on to tell my mom that everybody there liked me and all the praises that they seemed to have poured. Mom was yet again a proud mother of this daughter and for me nothing in the world is worthier than that!

My husband and our marriage.

Firstly, I wasn't sure of starting to write on this title today. But then I did not want to wait anymore. So, the twenty second of August, two thousand and ten.. the day that was yet another beautiful entry to a whole new entity of life. the day I/we got married! I must say it was a very long preparation that went on for four years right from opening it to parents to getting them say a 'yes' till here. The wedding talks started on the third of April, two thousand ten between both the sides and since then it was all like what happens in any other arranged marriages. A lot of talks, lot of doubts, so much of confusion, anxiety, misunderstandings but what ruled out all of these is that both the side parents were concerned most about the happiness that him and I would share after all these things that are getting messed up.
So, further about the wedding as such - it was a bilingual communion - tamil and telugu. The customs and traditions that were followed in the wedding was completely Telugu Iyengar ways of wedding. Starting from the pre-wedding rituals that they do for the groom, then the edhirkolal and then the oonjal sevai, jilakara bellam till tieing the knot.
What impressed me the most was the oonjal sevai. I have got to experience this before in some of my friend's relatives' weddings and have always admired it. They made us sit in the oonjal (swing) and swing it slowly, do some aarathi, sing songs - seetha kalyana vaibohame, the traditional one. Once all that usual ritual was over, they asked a few of them in the crowd who are known for singing to sing. Then came up the 'kurai ondrum illa' and then the alaipayuthey kanna and a few more of krishna genres like 'krishna nee begane' etc :) As such I love music and listening to songs, devotional ones generally elevate my energy and that moment of the whole occasion was like "THE" moment for me! Thanks to my sister's friend Priya who had nominated my side singing 'kurai ondrum illai' which was such a memorable and intelligent pick. Needless to mention his sister and brother-in-law who are a family of singers to add up to the colors and happiness.
Finally for them keeping the jilakara bellam on each others heads is the most important part of the wedding, though that did not give me much of a wedded feel ;) and then when he tied the knot, I will definitely run short of words to explain what/how it was, I can only feel it, the feeling that's most special to me, the feeling that only both of us can understand.. I couldn't control the gush of tears and emotions, mom next to me and periyamma opposite to me, I saw them crying too! All of us finally left a sigh of relief and the whistle was removed to let out the 3 hrs of pressure that was built up inside my head! I don't think I had ever gone through such a tension filled situation in life before!
The moment my boyfriend became my fiance and went on to become my husband. We went on to live together, in the same house, together day-in and day-out. Its quite different! The amount of patience we had to hold on to. the kind of rights we exert on each other. Yet at the end of the day, we realize, all only because of the kind of love that lives up amongst the two of us. My husband, definitely is the greatest, The smartest! There are only a very few people in the world who are lucky to get a balance between in-laws' and parents. And he definitely is one among them, intelligent fella! ;) The Mauritius trip - worth a mention. That's an amazing wedding gift, likewise there are only a very few ladies out there who are lucky enough to find a husband like mine. My convenience before his needs. I can go on to sing a My-Husband-greatest purana. But for now, I'm just leaving it here.
Thank God for such a wonderful gift for life.
And for the readers, may you have someone who loves you crazily enough and several years down the line, may you look back to realize that the love this person showers on you, is multi-zillion times more than what you feel today!
God bless!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

A little bothered me since two days, not sure why, about my recent past, I mean my past 1yr or so life at Hyd with these 2 Ss! Friends I have ever met in this very very mean and competitive corporate world. The best of their kinds!
That 1 year was just a total bliss in this life. Enjoyment more and more day by day. There is no one place that I can list in Hyd that we have not visited and each place has its own special memories. This kind, probably everyone out there would want to go through, atleast for a fraction of months in their lifetime. Our day begins so late in the morning and goes on really late in the nights. Frankly, a lot of people were so envious of us and the kind of friends we are, through the thick and thin. There is no difference that we saw amongst us. There is no one thing that bothered any of us during those times. Laughter, laughter and laughter - that filled our life and it was so blissful! I don't remember there was one time when we let one of the three cry, rather cry alone. The amazing plans that we used to make every evening, restaurants, pubs, coffee shops, icecreams. the colorful weekends, and the times we used to simply wait for those lazy Saturdays and then we sit for a late evening lunch with the biriyani from Hyderabad house. And then there is this one warm bear hug from the big S ;) that encloses the other 2 of us and the indescribable happiness that encloses the 3 of us. That crazy thing when we used to put on music in S's 10x10 room doing some electrical work to connect those old speakers ;) and then it was all heaven. Do not know what got us so close. Not sure why we did not have a second thought to fill our life with just the 3 of us. No selfishness, no variations. Movies list was endless! The times we used to run at 2.20 for a 2.25 show; the night shows after which I used to get dropped in my PG, the locked gate and my shrill voice 'watchman watchman', the phone call I make after I enter the house and that's their go-ahead to leave from there. Conference chats in the office communicator where we tease and rip the whole lot of those nutty heads at office amidst the hectic work. The way they used to be behind me to make friends with some new girl in the team. Those long drives in the night, we talk about the most useless issues in the world and then end up drawing stupid conclusions. The way I was teased for being girlie at times and how they used to fulfill those girlie wishes like visiting Shilparamam for a mehendi with no other go. The times we used to sit in the pantry, talk and laugh like nuts that the whole office could hear us. 'Never-mind-everything-is-ours' attitude. And then the way we planned the birthday surprises. How I loved to see Sud saying that it was the first time he had put cake on his face in life on his birthday! And how I wish I can be lucky time and ever to give you that. Anything that we did was right, there were no restrictions. One of us do something, there are these 2 other heads to nod. No one time you are allowed to feel low. When we are away during vacations, that was only a break we used to take and we just used to get back and be the 3 of us. I'm realizing all these simple things now, when they have actually become memories. Times that went by was so light, mind used to think so serious of anything. The number of times we had visited the airport must be countless, regardless of the local/international trips that any of us made! And the tough time we used to have with KL-11 still admire it for living through the tortures I used to give it. I was pampered, loved, admired, scolded, irritated, all at once like never before/after! I do not know how was I ready to miss that side of life. I'm sure there is nothing like it again anytime. I need them all back. I need my Friends back. I yearn to live with and feel the selflessness yet again. Probably, the first time I'm missing a friendship this worse. I dont remember a time before in life when I have missed friends so much. Gone by times and all that I'm left with now - memories! We will live that way all through our lives, I'm sure.
And here, for you the reader, from the 3 of us, I'm wishing you that you feel such a friendship atleast once in your lifetime. And may the mix of emotions that leaves my throat constricted now fills you someday that you realize what real happiness is!

Not sure what to put up in the Title space. Wanted to pen this incident down here that happened when I was in Chennai over the weekend that went by.

Dad and myself were walking towards Panagal park, T.Nagar from Pondy bazaar while someone came from the other direction smiled at him and took him by hand. Dad gave a confused look. The man was quite old, as old as my dad and was asking him if he remembers him. Dad said that he was not really sure, yengeyo kadai vecchurndhapo paatha nyabahama irku (that he remembers vaguely that he had visited dad's shop years back). This man took him away from me and was telling him a story and I could make out that he was wanting some money and he is simply putting up a weird reason to extract whatever cash possible. We were just done with our shopping and was rushing to mom who was waiting in Nalli for us. Dad was telling him that he was left with only a few notes as we were just done with some shopping. I was watching all this from a lil distance from him and being a person who does not believe in people that so quick particularly when it comes to some cases like this, I jumped into the scene and pulled dad by hand, common lets go, mom would be waiting. This man was then telling me to give him sometime. We were in a different tension meanwhile and hurriedly I told him that we had to leave immediately as my mom was alone there. Dad told him, I'm not sure what's with this, but I'm sorry and we walked away.
I was a little bothered if I was heartless to do that and I'm sure dad, being a person who cannot stop himself from helping people for whatsoever reason, irrespective of he has or he doesn't have the source to help, was quite bothered.
Later, I was checking with dad what was he upto and dad told me, he said he was working in Annamalai University as a professor and currently settled in Chennai. His family had gone for a death and left the house locked and that he is left with no money to travel to Chidambaram and so was asking for help. Dad is not sure if he should believe that or not. He had no clue where in Chennai he lives etc. I could make a clear stand that he was creating a complete story there, a simple thought how a professor who had been out of touch for years with a person can ask for help and the way he had put it up with not even a little bit of hesitation.
What bothered me most was how people take advantage of others' who still are ethical and have the morality to help someone regardless of reason and the relationship. Several times I wonder at mom for being in touch with a lot of relatives who do not wish good for us. She says that is how relationships work. You cannot expect everybody to help when in trouble, nor expect everyone to feel good when we grow. You have to be selfless and that is when you truly live united! (they say in Tamizh 'Oorodhu othu vaazh')

Engaged :)

Something that I awaited for more than 4 years. It happened, in the most amazing manner, on that bright Sunday morning, with the loved ones around, so pleasing, so joyful, such a momentous occasion. A week after that, it feels even more amazing today and it will keep multiplying with time, I'm sure.
For me, everything seems different now. Life, mind, nature, people.. Love, hopes, days.. Those roads where I had gone around with this person, so lovely and unique, they look extra beautiful. Those days that I spent with him, with myself, with friends, they all seem completely refreshing. The blissful feel that tells me that I achieved something wonderful! I feel a new sort of respect towards this sweetheart now. I'm not able to address you in singular fashion, I do not feel strange there, I'm not sure why. With all that he does, he makes me understand and believe what he does is the right for "US" together, not just me or not just him! He tells me often, "I look at us as a single identity, not you or me alone". I suddenly feel I realized the right meaning of it genuinely at that moment you put on the ring on my finger, assuring me you will never leave me alone anytime after this. Touch wood.
Lot of things went for a toss over the years. But with the dawn of this new life, I'm back to square 1. The moment when I felt that I should put you before me in all that we are going to encounter after this. I would not simply talk, you will see me live by this definitely, now and forever Sweetheart.
I wouldn't say thanks, I know what it took for you to come all the way till here, I value that. If only anything, you showed me what is being unconditional in love. I pray for the abundant love, plentiful satisfaction, copious joy, eternal care, ceaseless trust, heights of loyalty, ecstatic happiness, bundle of hopes, incessant pleasure, everlasting purity, perpetual wisdom, incredible modesty, relentless morality and a ton of good things more.
I feel all new and fresh now. Lets rock again together. Trust me Sweetz! Love U!

Comedy show :P

Another incident to record. This time about my interstate, inter language (Tamil-Telugu) affair and how funny the scenes are coming up between the families, while preparing for the wedding and how me n my fiance are enjoying the show amidst all the filmy, funny happenings.

Made my mom and mother-in-law (would-be) to talk on phone and I joined on conference. MIL wasn't aware that I was online (was what I thought). MIL being a school teacher and given that her ancestors hail from some part of Tamilnadu, she can understand Tamil quite well, but respond very minimal. Mom went on in full fledged Tamil, trying to sound sweet by thanking them for inviting me to their place, about fixing up the dates and ensuring that I would be a good Daughter-in-law etc etc while MIL had a nightmare with mom's Tamil!! She tried so much to blurt out words in Tamil, responding in single words like 'aama, sari, Ugadi-ku apram, engluku kooda' etc etc. lolllzzz :D :D soo sweet i tell u! but mom was so heartless that she did not even think of giving her a break to complete a sentence, as always! :P ;)

After listening to ten minutes of continuous 1000 wala 'saravedi' from mom's end, MIL handed over the phone to my fiance and told him that she knows I'm online and listening to her. He told me that and that she wants to scold me and gave the phone back to her, she started again telling me she knew that and I was laughing so much and was making fun of her. Told her that it sounded so sweet and her Tamil was definitely better than what many Tamilians actually speak and that I should have recorded it so that I could have laughed for lifetime ;) She said "haan ok ok you will come here and talk in Telugu know, that time I'll record and tease you big time" and all that!

Totally a happy ending! Looking forward to the families to meet over soon and decide on the wedding dates! Love the in-laws family, definitely very nice people, and I must say very high-profile! Lucky me!! :) Touch wood.

God bless us!

Irreversible

Yesterday, as a first thing in the morning, got to read a blog post from a dear friend, whose grand dad had passed away 2 months before and what's it for him since then! I was touched emotionally and remembered a lot about my grand dad, 'thaatha' as we fondly call him!
Though there were a few things that I was not able to digest about him, he really was a passionate soul, a man who lived with a lot of love and dignity, respect and good will and loads like that. Till his last breathe he got up at 4 in the morning, read baghavatham and Mahabharatham. He is one man who is a strong cause for me to be a fervent admirer of Vishnu. The first words of "Om namo Narayana" that I learned was from him. The slokas that I quote in my everyday prayers were from him.
I remember he taught me a tamil slogam on Lordess 'Abirami' which was part of the 'seyyul' (part of the subject that has series of poetry) in my 11th std Tamil subject and I was the first one to recite it out in the whole class. And it was just a year after he passed away. Meanwhile I had a childhood friend in my class who knew that I already knew that slogam. She asked me 'Hey you know this already right!? You grandfather had taught you, you have told me'. I can't just put it in words how proud I felt of him that moment!
Mom never takes a single rupee extra for anything from anybody. Any kind of money related transactions she does to more than an extent of perfection. A lot of people have praised her on that. But, mom keeps saying that she had got it from her father, ie my grand father. Mom is just a 8th std passed out and she does the accounts for me today, just so perfect and efficient. Without her I'm not sure if I can do well at my finance!
Thaatha's business was lending money for interest. He had lot of customers from different banks. As the tradition goes in those days, most of those people who worked for banks were Brahmins and they used to come home sometimes. When we used to go there for quarterly/half-yearly/annual holiday, we used to see them when they come home and they talk so much about my thaatha's spirituality, dedication and commitment towards God and his work. Why I mentioned about Brahmins is that, we are non-Brahmins and the tradition says, brahmins are those people who are close to God and they are highly spiritual. So getting such a compliment from those people was really rare in those days!
Thaatha had 4 big bungalows out of which 3 he sold out for 3 of his daughter's weddings and the 4th one is where he lived during his last days. The house was so big and kept reminding me of his eminence, given that he started from scratch with nobody's help! All the houses were at Saidapet and mom used to tell me that thaatha during his initial days of business used to walk all the way from Saidapet to mylapore to meet customers. It did not take him too long to buy a car or earn loads in life, he was a lot smart and intelligent! He had seen the best and worst in life!
I can easily write a min 300 pages book about him. You may think why do i write all about it now, simple reason is that this really takes me all the way back to my childhood and I'm enjoying myself writing about him. After all, for everyone thinking about their childhood is a blissful feeling.
Thaatha was a regular alcohol consumer. He can't do without a quarter bottle of brandi everyday. Paati (grandma) used to collect all those bottles and we used to play with them sometimes. End of the year she used to make a good amount of money by selling them off to those people who come on bicycles to collect bottles, papers, plactics etc I'm not seeing even one on the roads these days :( His routines start at 4AM. He gets up, does the morning chores, prayers and depending on the season he reads the epics/gita/thirupaavai/thiruvembavai etc. He has his filter coffee, reads paper, goes out by 7-8AM to meet the customers for collection, comes back at 9.30 for breakfast. Our breakfast used to be the hot full meals with sambhar, rasam and poriyal. He goes for the next round of collection and comes home for lunch. Lunch used to be chapathis or some tiffin. Post lunch he does his accounts and then takes rest. He again gets up for his cup of coffee by 4PM, gets ready after a chit-chat with us and paati and then goes out for work by 5-5.30. Sometimes for work, sometimes with family.
Weekends he used to take time out for paati, takes her to the beasant nagar temple and beach in the evening and they come back home for dinner. When we used to be there on holidays, we used to replace paati if we are more than 3, else we used to accompany them, "on his bullet"!! His built was nothing more than what you see in Rajinikanth. But he rode his huge bullet till his last breathe.
The most enjoyable part of his routine for us was the after 8PM sessions, when he sits with his glass of brandi and the mahabharatham, with all of us around him. He reads out phrases and explains, while I write this, I can hear his voice and the modulations he used to explain us the various stories from the epic.
Mom and her bro and sisters had done their 60th wedding in chidambaram temple, at this particular place called 'nadana sabai**' inside the temple. One of those beautiful weddings that I have ever seen in this universe was that, when I was in my 6th standard. They looked so awesome together. I wore a red color pattu paavadai (silk skirt) in the wedding, I felt so elated to be there in the temple watching them getting married. And it was one of my shallow wish to do my wedding also in the same place in the chidambaram temple in front of Natarajar. There were a lot of people that day who came in to get their blessings. I wonder at the crowd that comes in for a wedding or any function that happens at home for that matter. It isn't that easy to earn a lot of people in life who would be willing to join in when you celebrate/regret something that's so personal to you. Thaatha made sure that he gifted paati an expensive silk saree for their wedding day till he was 64. The lesson that he taught us that love doesn't fade away with age.
I was one of the closest pethis(pronunciation: paythii; meaning - grand daughter) thaatha ever had. Next to Aishu, he liked me the most when it comes to studies and grasping things. given that we were the high scorers in our classes always. He points out Aishu to me for her calm composure, respect and sincerity. He used to tell me so much that I should do my IAS and become an IAS officer. I somehow could not do it for him; regret that I'm not sure if I can do it in the future also :( The other thing that I deeply regret about is that he passed away just before my 10th std public exam that which earned me districk rank! he admired me so much for my studies, but he couldn't stay back to see me winning the first laurel that I earned for my studies in life. Life is so unfair sometimes.
Even after he turned quite old, visiting Chidambaram and us was his favorite activity and he considered that was his foremost duty. He was very close to my mom, given that my dad did not so good at his business. He had felt bad several times to me that he got my mom married to an irresponsible person and that was the biggest mistake he had ever done in his life! I felt bad for thaatha, but I felt worse for appa :( Whenever he plans on outstation tours, he made sure he included me along with my cousins, but he never took money from mom for that whereas all my aunts used to give him. Madurai Meenakshi amman temple was one of the temples I definitely wanted to go and it was only because of him. Not sure otherwise if I would have got to go ever in life. The place that I liked most was the kumbakarai falls at theni that I visited with him. Thaatha had a customer by name 'Rammohan' who was working for Indian bank, theni branch. His house was so close to director Bharathiraja's house and all the 4 days when we stayed there we used to take a walk around that area. There was one old lady whom people claimed the director's mother and the same lady who acted in the movie 'karuthamma'.
Mom feels bad that thaatha had seen us only suffering in life and when we could actually be doing good and better in life, he could not be there with us. She also consoles us and herself saying he is there with much more powers and much closer to God now!
As I mentioned, there is loads and loads to write about him. But I'm stopping it here for I'm not able to wait to read this blog post myself! I wanna see how it has come out!
Amidst those people who just take a few hours to forget the months old friendship in this materialistic world, my thaatha is one person who had taught all of us, me, amma, periyamma and everybody at home, what it takes to be bonded with people in this world. How important is it to love and care for people! Hope I do it atleast to the least bit of extent what he actually wanted me to! I miss you!

** - Puranam says that nadana sabai is where Natarajar and Parvathy had a competition (dance - to be specific bharatanatyam); Parthvathy lost, got angry and became kaali and went and sat at 'oor ellai' (extremity of the town) where they built another temple for her.